I wake up to a very wet Monday – though the sun is trying to shine. There is proper cleaning to be done – it has been left since the end of August but now that I won’t home alone I’d better make an effort. Also something I’ve realised in the last couple of months is that I like the house to be in order. I love having books and papers around but I don’t want any more clutter. It has been really cathartic getting rid of so much – but that reminds me that there is still much to be cleared away.
Caro comes for coffee and we finalise details for Wednesday. My hands are very sore and swollen today – I wonder what is the trigger. Then off to the Cathedral for the initial meeting as a mentor to new guides starting their training in January. On the home I drop into see Graham and pick up some more samples. Home in the pouring rain. Plumber, Adam drops by to assess taking out the radiator etc.
I have another lovely email from TT – how will it be when it is the real person and not my imaginary one. I am getting slightly anxious – we’ve been living in this little bubble, divorced from the reality of mundane married life for well over two months – writing loving emails to each other. and the previous nine months was hardly what could be described as a normal life together. He’s says how much he has changed and no doubt I have too – but will he like the new me? And how have I changed? I’m very much my own boss now and feel confident and self assured – but to do what? I have in essence frittered the last two months away, sitting for hours thinking about what Tom’s doing and hoping all is well. But I have not spent any time thinking about what I want to get out of life in the future – it all seems a blur. I wonder what I’ll be doing and thinking in a year’s time. Should I go away to find myself ha ha…